Let’s be clear about something: Netflix didn’t send me screeners for Rebel Moon‘s director’s cuts, nor did I commit to reviewing these films for any publication. Nope. I chose to watch out of my own volition – and I failed miserably here.
Even though I didn’t like the original Rebel Moon films, I thought I’d give these extended cuts a chance to see if they improve upon anything or drastically change the material – like Zack Snyder’s Justice League did. I’m not even a Zack Snyder hater – quite the contrary. I have defended the filmmaker’s controversial work at DC and am one of three people in the world who didn’t mind 2011’s Sucker Punch. However, I find the Rebel Moon series to be the weakest films he’s released to date. I don’t even hate the space epic; I just think there are way too many threads and clashing ideas that turn this into a fever dream rather than a cohesive story. There’s too much going on and none of it makes sense.
Nonetheless, I hit play on the first director’s cut, Rebel Moon – Chapter One: Chalice of Blood. Sitting at 204 minutes in length, the running time is overwhelming, but at least there’s the ability to pause and carry on later, right? The introduction to this film is noticeably different, focusing on giving Aris a heart-wrenching backstory that provides more depth to the character. Not a bad start. However, it all degenerates into more of the same – just with more gore and nudity – as the original cut. Before long, it becomes about a bunch of unlikable characters dragging along in a plot that feels as convoluted as ever. Plus, there’s still wheat. A lot of wheat. I’m sick of the slow-mo shots of this stuff. F*** the wheat.
I labour through a bit more of this, then come to the stark realization at the one-hour mark: Hey, no one is paying me to suffer through this. Enough is enough, and I switch it off. Now, this isn’t a dig at Snyder as it’s clear no cuts or additions could have aided this story any further. Simply put: Rebel Moon didn’t work, and that’s fine, we move along onto something else. But why in the hell did Netflix choose to release two more versions of this?
Apart from Beverly Hills Cop: Axel F and Hit Man, nearly every single film released by Netflix in 2024 has been an abomination that even Tubi would think twice about releasing. Whether it’s the sci-fi snooze Atlas or the not-a-single-laugh-had Unfrosted, this year has been a total disaster for the streaming service’s movies. Especially considering the fact it’s cracking down on password sharing and increasing charges as if it’s dropping blockbusters every week. Of course, the strikes impacted the nature of what’s coming out and when it does, but woof! This is Razzie Award-winning material right here.
Recently, Netflix thought it was cute releasing a billboard, stating, “Are you still watching their shows?” Naturally, it implies that no one watches the likes of Prime Video, Disney+, or Showmax. Well, Netflix, not only am I watching their shows and movies, but I’m also enjoying them a lot more than the visual laxatives you feed my eyes on a weekly basis. It’s embarrassing content that’s clearly from the reject piles of studios that all knew better.
In a time in which everyone considers where their money goes, it’s getting tougher and tougher to justify that Netflix subscription staying, especially as the quality diminishes to dumpster-fire level. Maybe it’s time that we break up. And in this case, it’s definitely you and not me.
Tell us, did you watch Rebel Moon‘s director’s cuts on Netflix? Let us know what you thought about them in the comments section below.
